Thinking of leaving someone you

have been with for sometime?

Want some children or

a change of pace of life?

Read on....

I had ten fine years with someone I cared for. Anne Elizabeth Wilson

In ten years people change a lot, their needs & aspirations change.

Mine did. I realised all around my friends, family & neighbours all wanted & had some children. Myself & partner were very financially secure, travelled the world on exotic holidays etc. For me it was missing a family. We were both only childs', maybe adding to the selfishness. Anne once justified her ideal that she never wanted children by saying it was 'un-natural'. Such bollix, I know plenty of women who shell them like peas & love them as a mother & are loved by their children. In Anne's case it was a threat to the cosy financial life we had built up. Her inability to share her wealth, (her love?, of money?), I don't know - I can guess!

Anyway, I took a stand, did what I thought was right. Did it with compassion & thought.

Advice:-

Don't do what I did!

Think only of yourself. I thought of my partner & as all break ups go, received only hassle & abuse. Split everything in half, take time over it.

If you own / or are buying a home, ensure its sold & proceeds shared. Do not keep it or allow your partner to keep it. I thought of what had gone before, liked the house I had shared for 10 years. Allowing my partner to have it & take less than half its worth (in volatile shares), I thought I was doing the right thing. Unfortunately, I now regret that decision. It was me who faced the problem & tackled it, but in doing so lost lots of friends & neighbours & suffered 12 months alone in a shitty flat for my feelings. Don't do that - split it 50-50 - its best believe me. 7 Lindi avenue, Warrington, WA4 2SJ is still in my ex's possession- what an ungrateful person it has made my ex! We would get on better if it had been split!

Break up all joint accounts & close them. We kept two which has been nothing but hassle & has resulted in my ex partner defrauding me from over £1000 via a Bradford + bingley account. Spookily enough my ex-partner has worked for Llloyds-TSB bank PLC for over 15 years & was well aware of the actions she was undertaking, (last spotted at Heald Green Branch, Manchester). Court action beckons on that one. I would be very worried if I had an account at that branch. My ex-partner has proved to be obsessed with money. Her choice, unfortunately I suffer at her greedy expense. Even if a building society demutualisation windfall is in the offing, resist the temptation & offload the accounts or change any to single names.

Change all telephone banking passwords to protect your cash. Contact banks & Building societies carefully.

Don't kid yourself you can remain friends - you cannot & you will not want to with your partner, family or friends on her side!

Look carefully at your friends and neighbours. Which ones will look for 2 sides to a story? The ones that do will seek you. The ones that are satisfied with one side, (& are blind to any other) are worthless & will not contact you anyway. The best are ones that can see the best from the 2 partners.

Find someone who loves you (near the last, but not least).

Expect your partner to tell your friends & the world at large that she/he still cares/loves about you, months after the event. This is all window dressing. She/he might well write to mutual friends at Christmas/birthdays etc expressing a need to re-kindle lost friendships (& turn the knife on you clandestinely). Solicitors letters that move between yourselves (& your solicitors will prove otherwise!).

My partner worked at LloydsTSB & engaged me in Pensions & other investments that have proved in-appropriate. They were obviously appropriate for her & others to gain commission's etc. Be aware of perks like this that become millstones when examined. Anne has been revealed as a mercenary where commission was concerned & I have in recent months been re-compenced for pension miss-selling as a result of her recommendations. Beware of this, in particular if your partner is involved in banks or building societies. Always seek an IFA opinion. Advice is usually free unless a product is bought, so don't be conned. Banks & Bank staff are barely 1 step up from robbing arabs!

If you both own shares, have them split into 2 named trustee accounts. Any lloyds TSB shares transferred to me (at 15% loss I might add, don't do this yourself consult teletext etc the day you assign ownership), have long since been disposed off. I have no longer any confidence in Lloyds TSB or my former partner.

Expect your partner to confide, start/resume an affair with a close friend after the split. Also expect this to be down-played & whatever relationship you start to be painted as 'a long running affair'. Anne ran off with one of my friends, shortly after giving him the ultimatum to choose 'me or her'. Weak willed as he was he chose her, the relationship having gone barely further than a few 'fumbles overnight', as a few friends have confided! (whatever turns you on I suppose!).

Photographs, souvenirs & images. Divide these up. If you were the author, in theory any negatives, slides or prints are your intellectual property. If on friendly, speaking terms with your ex-partner share a few copies. If you find the memories distasteful, then destroy them. This is the route I took. While there were some good times while together, I am now ashamed of those years & would rather forget them. I have a loving partner (Anne in 18 months won't even have a conversation - I stopped calling after 5 months, & never once said she regretted the split), who moved 220 miles to live here with me. That's how strong that bond is. These people are out there, there's one out there for you....

Good luck with your actions, you are not alone.